Once More Unto the Breach

“Once more unto the breach, dear friends,

Once more. Or we’ll fill their holes

With our English dead.”

Shakespeare, Henry V

I was so proud of myself for finishing the first Minerva novel, “Minerva James and the God of War.” It all hung together. There were a few flaws, but overall I thought the book was a good one, exciting, a satisfying and surprising solution.

But…

Well, as I sent the book out to agents with no replies (and one quick rejection) I started to suspect that all was not well with my favorite Sacramento attorney.

I had this nagging feeling that the first 10 pages didn’t fly as I wanted them to.

Sure enough, this morning I was rejected by an agent who had the grace and compassion to tell me “The first pages didn’t pull me in as I wanted them to.”

(Thank you, Erin Clyburn. You are a mensch.)

If I was a beginner, I would have come up with 100 reasons why this agent was wrong. The book was good, the beginning was good, better than a lot of published mysteries I’ve read. Etc. Etc.

But notice what she says. She doesn’t say “Mark, your book sucks and I don’t ever want to hear from you again.” She doesn’t say “don’t quit your day job.” She actually gives me instruction. “It didn’t pull me in as I wanted.”

This means there’s something there but it has to be more compelling.

And, my friends, I suspected as much already. Ms. Clyburn merely confirmed my suspicions. So for that I thank her. We will likely never work together–she’s closed for submissions now–but I will always have a soft spot for her in my heart.

And it made me re-think the entire book. Yes, my friends, the whole damned book.

Because, if I tear up the beginning, I might as well go in and tear out the parts that don’t quite work. The thrill of finishing the first Minerva novel blinded me to structural problems in the book. For instance, Carson Robinson was getting into too many fights. There wasn’t the sense of dread or danger I wanted in the book. Some scenes were well done–the scene in the fallout shelter, the talk with the client’s sister, the initial discussion with the client. And it had some great lines: “Military architecture has all the charm and vibrancy as a folding table.”

But there were problems with the book. Problems that suddenly glare at me now. Problems that can be fixed. But only with an entire rewrite of the book.

So. Back unto the breach, dear friends. We start “Minerva James and the God of War” from word one. I already have the sentence: “Since watching Kennedy on television last night, my head filled with rain.”

We’ll fill their holes with our English dead. Or at least with a lot of new words that will, I hope, pull the next agent into the book. And, by extension, a publisher and a reader.