Albert Einstein once noted that the only two limitless things in existence were the Universe and Human Stupidity. And he had his doubts about the Universe.
In my day job as attorney to the stars–but only the minor ones, like Rigel 5 or Mandamus 13–I run across stupidity often. Sometimes the clients. Sometimes the DAs. Sometimes even the judge.
Yesterday I was asked to make a special appearance in a criminal matter. The guy was in custody. I was given no further information than that the lawyer handling the case wanted a continuance. I can do that.
But when the sheriff pulled the guy from out of the custody tank, he didn’t even know his family had hired a private lawyer! He kept asking for his public defender. Okay, I’m thinking. This is not the guy’s fault. His new lawyer should have gone to the jail and introduced himself. So that was the stupid lawyer.
Then the in-custody guy starts asking me to make a pitch for him to be released on his Own Recognizance (OR). Either that, or a bail reduction. I told him I knew nothing about him or his case and it would be a disservice to him for me to argue such a motion. We were only continuing the matter for a week. Couldn’t he wait?
You know the answer to that. No, he couldn’t. He insisted. So the DA had to call their special deputy down to the courtroom and I had to wait another 45 minutes to finish the case when I had things waiting for me at the office.
Finally the case is called and I make a pitch about how he’s lived here for years and is married, etc. The DA then says “He failed to appear in 2020 and was out on a warrant for several months. So we think he’s a flight risk.”
You’d think the guy might have wanted to share that little tidbit with me! Of course the judge denied his request. If there was some special explanation, I didn’t stick around to hear it.
I did go over and tell him, “you don’t show up for court, you’re not going to be released.” He wanted to argue with me!
Sorry. This guy had been to prison and jail before, so he knew how the system worked. To insist on making me pitch his OR when he knew he had a failure to appear was foolish. He should have waited for his lawyer to show.
It is for such people that I spend my useless days in court. But for now I have 24 things on my “to do” list, and It’s already Thursday and I should get myself going.
Going. As in “going crazy.”
Mark Bruce, Writer 