It’s Not Covid

Every sniffle, every sneeze, every congested night and drowsy day, and you keep asking yourself, “Is it Covid?”

Because the symptoms of Covid seem to be: If you have the sniffles, it’s Covid. If you don’t have the sniffles, it’s Covid. If you have a headache, it’s Covid. If you don’t have a headache, it’s Covid. If you sneeze, you’re getting Covid. If you’re not sneezing, you probably have Covid, you just don’t know it.

I’ve been tested and tested. I never seem to be the lucky winner of the Covid sweepstakes. If I contracted that awful disease, I’d get to stay home for 14 days watching TV and eating bon bons. I could call in to the courts and say “Don’t want to infect you guys! Miss ya!”

Of course, when I do have the sniffles–it’s happened twice this year–I don’t go to court. The courts will not let you in with ANY symptom, even if you’ve been tested. They’ll tell you that you might have caught it after your last test.

Monday of last week, I suddenly had a terrible cold, which is a symptom of Covid. But the cold responded to Theraflu–which is not a symptom of Covid. I called in to my court appearances that week and stayed in the office or at home. (The only other person in my office is my part-time secretary, who has the constitution of a dragon.)

This week, nothing but residual congestion remains. I appeared in court Friday, even showed to play with the choir in church on Sunday morning.

It’s not Covid. I am fully vaccinated and boosted, so I won’t die if I get it. But I haven’t gotten it yet.

Unless recovering from the cold is a sign of Covid. In which case, I’m screwed.