In my email feed is a tag line:
“We miss you…”
It’s from a robot. In particular, a robot from a place I’ve purchased a recent object. A robot that wants to make me feel guilty about not buying more stuff from them.
I have enough people in my life trying to make me feel guilty. I don’t need robots to add to the chorus.
“We miss you.”
I hear it from organizations I once contributed to. I’m looking at you, Democratic Party.
I hear it from places I’ve purchased funny coffee cups from. Do you recognize yourself, Japan Enterprises?
I hear it from places I’ve bought flavored coffee from. Bones Coffee, does this ring a bell?
It would be one thing if I thought there was an actual human being on the other side of the message. But there’s not. It’s an algorhythm, a program that pops up when I haven’t spent money or time with the company in question. It’s designed to make me feel like I have neglected my good friends at Bones Coffee. They’re such jolly fellows. How can I ignore them like this?
“We miss you.”
Weird thing is, I only hear from my son about once a month. I talk to his mother once a week. The girl I sometimes see socially (she lives in Vegas, comfortably far from me), texts me every other week.
My brother, who lives 30 miles from me, calls me every other week. My good friend Leslie and I talk, maybe, once per week and haven’t laid eyes on one another for months.
Not a one of them ever texts or emails me to say “I miss you.”
Because they don’t miss me. They have lives to live, things to do, other people to talk to.
Makes you wonder how lonely these companies on the internet are. Are they so needy that they need to hear from me regularly? If I sent them a chatty email about my life and adventures, would they miss me less?
For that matter, if I spent more money with them, would they feel satisfied that our relationship was solid?
You may miss me, dear robot, but I don’t miss you.
Mark Bruce, Writer 