Perry Mason was a terrible lawyer.
Yeah, I know he never lost a case. Luck. Pure Luck.
No, a boy who once sat enthralled while Raymond Burr brought the irascible and dynamic lawyer to life on the little screen, I look at these shows now and want to yell at the screen.
Gotta go talk to a witness? Hey, Paul Drake is busy today, so why don’t Della and Perry go over and have a little chat with the fellow?
(No. Then Perry becomes a witness and he’s not allowed to represent anyone.)
Client wants you to hide the gun from the DA? No problem. Let’s put it here in the safe.
(Perry, can you say “accessory after the fact?” I knew you could. Because you’d read it in your indictment.)
Client on the run from the cops? Let’s put her up in our little mountain hideaway where the cops never go.
(Um…Aiding and abetting. Surely, Perry, they covered this in the questionable law school you went to.)
What makes me most crazy is Perry’s method of cross examination.
Now, to a trained professional, cross is a tightrope you walk when you want to elicit evidence from a witness. You have to have a firm grasp of the facts. You limit your questions to those to which you know the answers, answers that will bolster your case.
Not our Perry. He barges in like a fat man at a buffet, asking every witness where they were on the night of the murder and trying to bully them into admitting they killed the victim. Eventually, he stumbles on the right person, who breaks down and confesses.
It’s known as “the Perry Mason moment,” and it’s about as common as a three-point punt over the uprights in a modern NFL game.
Any lawyer who would try such a stunt in a real courtroom would find themselves sanctioned and eventually disbarred. That is, if they didn’t starve because no sensible person would hire them.
I know the man’s got a rep. But it’s undeserved.
Perry Mason is a terrible lawyer. Take my word for it and don’t hire him if you get into trouble. Not unless you want to see your lawyer thrown out of court for contempt.
Mark Bruce, Writer 