Ten Mistakes You Make On A Job Interview

A friend of mine recently went through a job interview. She thought she did great until I asked her some questions. Turns out, she made some classic blunders, like invading Russia in late autumn or assuming those trees on the hills weren’t really archers in disguise.

So as a service to my readers, here are ten blunders most people make in their job interviews.

1. You casually mention the armadillo. You should never mention the armadillo.
2. You seem too eager to know about the firm-wide spankings.
3. When you’re asked about a salary, you quote Shakespeare while ripping up your wallet: Who steals my purse steals trash. ’Tis something,
   nothing;
    ’Twas mine, ’tis his, and has been slave to
    thousands.
4. You refer to your potential boss as “Bubba.”
5. When asked where you see yourself in five years, you say “Prison.”
6. Walk into the interview room wearing no pants and say “I just got used to this during Covid.”
7. Shake your interviewer’s hand and apologize for the strange rash on your wrist.
8. Tell your interviewer your favorite politician was Vlad the Impaler because “He really knew how to keep Human Resources busy.”
9. Say you don’t really need the job because you just bought a lottery ticket you’re sure will come through, but you showed up anyway just for laughs.
10. Casually mention your cousin Vito from New York will be very, very disappointed in the interviewer if you don’t get this job. “If I’m not hired, I’d be careful starting your car for the next few weeks.”