The Nanny Car

Last week as I was tooling along Interstate 10 on my way to work, the Little Black Pony started to overheat. She’d had some trouble the night before idling roughly and I am no longer such a fool as to ignore a little thing like my Kia Rio losing its temper.

I pulled over and got towed to the dealership. Unfortunately, they don’t provide rental cars (the pony will be in up to a week to get fixed, something about the ignition coils, the solenoid, and the armadillo being exhausted). So I ended up going to Enterprise to rent a car because, as they advertise, they’ll pick you up.

And they did!

And they had a car for me even at a moment’s notice. I’ve rented so many cars from them that they damned well better have.

Ahem.

They gave me a Hyundai something or other. To be honest, most modern cars are a blur to me. One of the reasons I bought the little black pony, aside from the fact that she was only $16,000, was that she is a distinctive little car. Hence her nickname.

This is an OK little car. I get a little worried when I change lanes and she wobbles like she’s afraid. But I’ve gotten used to that.

What bugs me is the car nags me.

“Two hands on the steering wheel,” it will say in its display, instead of telling me how fast I’m going. I’m surprised it doesn’t complain that I’m not at 10 and 2.

“Consider taking a break,” it says when I’ve been driving more than 10 minutes. Dude. If I stopped every 10 minutes for a coffee break, I’d never get anywhere.

“Watch speed,” it says when I go over 60. Watch it do what? Increase?

It’s the nanny car. It can’t stand to see me have a good time. I’m surprised it doesn’t scold me when I get into the car after having a beer at dinner with the ex-wife. Or that it doesn’t look over my attire for the day and shake its head, saying “Are you sure you want all the other lawyers seeing you dressed that way?”

Or maybe…and this just occurred to me…maybe it’s the reincarnation of my dear mother, who used to like to admonish me when I’d call her on the phone. “Corrie, are you sure you want to say that about your sister?”

My mother the car. Just my luck.